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General Posts => The lighter side => Topic started by: stokerstan on March 24, 2020, 05:10:54 PM

Title: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on March 24, 2020, 05:10:54 PM
 Lock downs are not a new thing. I do not mean "Lock In's" where you get to sip drinks all night, but what we have to do to try to dodge THE LERGY, without getting twitchy.

  First really great idea. Widely used if your stuck down the engine room plodding up and down the Persian Gulf, doing a steady 96 rev's for six weeks.Note this is good down the boiler room as well.
Take one pussers torch, every one has one >:( Dismantle it down to its absolute basic parts, and lay them down on the bottom of an up turned doby bucket, easily acquired if you have not got one.
     Check who the dimmest stoker is on your watch, and show him the dismantled torch, being amazed how many bits it needs to make it work. Next discuss how assembling these torches must be quite difficult, and suggest it must take an awful lot of time to get it right. Have difficulty putting your torch together,and accept his help in in putting it back together.Be amazed how easy he made the reassembly appear, get him to take it apart so you can time him in the task. Be very amazed at his speed.Next watch. Advise him you have been practicing assembling a torch, and you think you may be faster than him. Have a race. Be a little annoyed that he wins so easily! He wins the next three tries !!! you are obviously very annoyed and you challenge him !! staking your tot.!!!
         If your nice you let him have sipper of HIS tot..  Beware however there are stokers who are real experts at Pussers Torch assembly! Lots of practice gets you through through long watches.
 p.s. Of course the torch must light up to claim the win, the expert by sleigh of hand can easily nobble the torch spring etc.  ;D
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on March 27, 2020, 04:51:08 PM

   If you have no torch to take to bits, read !! :) :)

   Best read.... Patrick O'Brian.  Master and Commander series. Master and Commander is first of twenty books all brilliant. Easily obtained second hand through Amazon average price (50p each)
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on April 15, 2020, 05:35:55 PM
  Do take note of this.
 When in a lock down ensure that at least once a week you empty your wardrobe, spread out your suits shirts and perhaps even your undies, give them some light, and check them out.
It seems that such clothing when left in a dark place for extended period ( such as a lock down) the fabrics have been adversely affected,and THEY WILL HAVE SHRUNK... take my word for this.

 If unconvinced,try on your good suit or blazer that have not seen daylight since last reunion !! you will see !! :o :o :o
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on May 01, 2020, 10:15:51 PM

 Some members may have noticed that a couple of us are bashing out lots of emails during this Corona period.Some members may find this an irritation, some have said they welcome them.

    Anyone not amused with the funnies, let me know, I will not be offended in any way, and will desist.

Anyone with any good funnies, by all means pass them on. it may help to pass the time, particularly if your locked in on your own. Take Care out there, all things pass, but we want to be here when its gone. Any problems .... send me a mail, we may be able to help. Stokers are very clever people you know. !! ::) ::)
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on June 11, 2020, 06:10:06 PM

  Here is a great idea. PUT SOMETHING ON THE WEBSITE -- Everyone one has some story to tell about the ship, put it up here.
    If you have a longer bit of info send it in to the Flat Top editor, don't worry about grammar or spelling, we can proof read it for you, (it is understood that some branches may well be illiterates,
that is another reason why you need a stoker for a sea daddy).
   Topsey Turner of News Letter fame is always looking for stuff for his monthly circular ! send him anything you have, (he is a seaman, and will believe just about anything you wish to tell him).

     I appreciate that Web Sites are rather old hat now, but remember the Twitter stuff is only here today and gone tomorrow, this site is our only Victorious archives.
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: Topsey on December 02, 2020, 08:43:44 PM
With the torch assembly races (or any other assembly race) the real secret is when the ultimate race occurs with a slight distraction from an oppo at the taking apart stage an extra innocent washer or brass nut is added to the opponents parts or even better is to swap a bit for something that looks the part but isn't rendering the switching on pretty useless 8)
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on January 16, 2021, 09:01:55 PM

  Just read this reply  >:( >:( >:( >:( Turner, you shock me. Suggesting ways to cheat ?? Have you NO pride sir. This sort of thing would never be countenanced on the
 Stokers Mess. We were Gentlemen. !!!!!!!
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on January 17, 2021, 03:50:55 PM
 Anyway back to really important things.
I have completed my re-reading of Patrick O'Brian's brilliant Master and Commander series of novels. He completed 20 volumes, and was part way through the 21st when he crossed the bar.
  Not being a great fan of most modern authors, I decided to have a look at C.S. Forester's Hornblower's series. I remembered reading his early book, "Mr Midshipman Hornblower", and found a rather battered copy in a charity shop. It is good. and on checking I found he had written ten volumes of the Hornblower series. The original books are not easy to find, but my better half has  found that a company is in the process of running a reprint edition, so that is me sorted for the lockdown.
  Patrick O'Brian crossed the bar in 2000,aged 85.  C.S. Forester left us in 1966 aged only 66.
     Both for me brilliant authors ! but they really should have started their story lines much earlier, and written lots more books.
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: Topsey on January 27, 2021, 10:00:08 PM
re adding bits to the disassembled torch actually tests the technical ability ability of the participants. this is why the upperdeck sailors always outshine those from the lower depths of the double bottoms.
Shame is a luxury that the sailor cannot afford during the middle when a failing torch needs stripping for a new bulb or battery . rebuilding and the successful assembly depends the successful delivery of kai during the middle or shaking the correct POME for the morning. To suggest we need to feel you should be cheated out of your relief or a heart warming chocolate drink when you are at the lowest ebb for the sake of an extra brass washer or two is way out of order. \When all else fails refer to the admiralty book of assembling a torch angled right for the use in dark places, admiralty pattern.
Title: Re: How to get through lock downs.
Post by: stokerstan on February 20, 2021, 05:03:24 PM
  re- reading the torch item, a happening involving a stroppy young stoker and a crusty old killick sprang to mind.
  The ship was alongside somewhere,(not sure where) on a Sunday afternoon. It was probably a not blank week because the mess was very quiet. The Killick of the mess was in his top bunk,
reading his educational Sunday news paper, (probably The News of The World). Two very young and stupidly naïve junior stokers were playing a board game at the end of the mess.
  The stokers commenced to argue about some rule of the game, noisily, and the killick without putting down his paper growled at them to "keep silence". The voices did subside, but one of them,
probably with more mouth than brains, said in a voice just loud enough to be heard, advising the mess, that he lived in a free country, and had the right to talk. There was an air of expectation, the paper was slowly lowered, a hand reached up to the deck head fan trunking, and a Pussers torch shot  across the mess and bounced off the stokers forehead.
    He was taken up to the sickbay to have a couple of stiches in a nasty cut. The S.B.A. doing the stitching asked how the cut occurred, the slightly wiser lad repeated exactly what he had been advised to say.  "I was talking when I should have been listening, and I am on 40 mess, and Yorky Pearson is my mess Killick."  No more said except, lucky it wasn't a wheel spanner !!